This week is about acknowledging the ‘missing’ things from my life, and I can say just starting, I am overwhelmed by the topic. I honestly don’t know if I have tried to think about what is missing, but sitting here now, I can feel this physical reaction to the question. My body tenses, my eyes feel suddenly damp, and my breath is a little harder to release. I can tell that this one is going to be complicated.

I think this concept is difficult for me because I don’t really sit long with things missing something. If it is indeed missing, I would want to fix it right away. I’m an ambitious little thing.

Things I know that I am ignoring for long-term goals that would be better if I did the little things each day, but they seem too big:

Eating Healthy – I have a Histamine Intolerance, which means a lot of food messes up my belly. Still, it takes a lot of prep work to eat healthy for my particular body needs, and with my time demands, it makes it hard to keep up with.

Focus – I know what I want to do in the future, I even know the next step, but I seem to continue to trip over the same distractions.

Meaning – I am missing that what I am doing has meaning in my life or other people. Yes, I know that art doesn’t need to have meaning to others to matter to yourself – I am stuck in the loop. If I am doing something for nothing, then why am I doing it? I did nothing of what I wanted to do, and the circle began again.

Daily Rituals – Some could argue that an everyday ritual is just a routine, but I think one thing creates a difference between them. It’s intention. I have come up with several over the years that seem to fall on their face. Still, I think daily intention setting is so important that I try to pull into my life through bullet journaling and little things in my life. I would like to live more intentionally. 

Time/Discipline/Energy/Planning – These four go together even if you don’t think so. I am a planner of sorts. I keep a bullet journal to help me sort all aspects of my life and my time. Sometimes I plan too much in the day, sometimes very few things… and then there are other days, I plan but don’t act. So getting some of that time, energy back and develop a loving discipline around my planning. I need to recognize my overwhelm and work through it or know when to take that break.

Human Touch – This seems odd for an independent woman to admit that everyone can read on a blog. I need more hugs, snuggles, and general physical comfort. I didn’t get a lot of this as a kid, and I crave it, but I also don’t know how to initiate it. 

The Feel of Control – This was a weird one that I had to add. I went from one controlled environment to the next, and now I am a single mom of two kids living on my own. I never knew what it felt like to have everything decided by me because nothing was unless there was a fight. At full moon drumming circle, I said I needed to let go of control and be okay – I misspoke because I really need to step into my power, be in control. Being in control is new and scary, so I feel like I am overcontrolling things, and I am not. I need to learn the new parts of my life instead of pushing them away from me. 

A lot of what is missing in my life comes down to energy and feeling fulfilled. I know some of the things on this list will make my life easier, make my body feel better, and take tension off my mind, but it is hard to change habits. Some of it lacks financial planning since a big part of what I want to do is go back to school to help people on a 1-on-1 basis.

Going forward, I should step back and look at what is happening and where I want it to go. I should ask a simple series of questions before acting and learn to be deliberate with my actions.

  • Is this for my or my children’s higher good?
  • Do I need to be part of this activity, or would my energy be better spent elsewhere?
  • Will this action make a difference?

Other small steps I can do to help create space is by planning things in a way that allows for some flexibility while being realistic in building in rest times and allowances for ‘anything’ time.

<3 Fae